Sacrificial Love

What does sacrificial love mean? It's a Christian term, and I am guilty of using it without really having taken the time to ponder what it means. What does it mean to love God so much that when He asks, you can immediately let your most beloved possession go? What does this feel like? The story that immediately comes to mind is that of Abraham. When God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, his only son, Abraham must have been terrified. He did not understand or want to do it, yet he took his son to be sacrificed without question or even a hint of objection. Abraham trusted God so much that he was willing to give up his most precious item, knowing that in whatever happened God would provide. And this brings up a very challenging question to me: Would I be able to do this if God asked me? Or better yet: Is there anything in my life right now that I would have a hard time placing on the altar? One thing that immediately jumps to mind is marriage.

I want to be married so badly, and since September, I've been working on preparing my heart for it. I've had many conversations with God about this and in one of them I asked Him when I would be ready for a relationship. He told me that I will not be ready for a relationship until I am okay with the fact that I might be called to be single the rest of my life; He said that until I completely give Him my heart, that until I give Him entire control of my life, I will not be in a place for marriage. I will admit, right now, I am not okay with being single the rest of my life, and I recognize that this is a problem.

And this brings me to another question: Will there come a point in my walk where I will know for certain whether or not God has called me to a life of singlicity? Is this something 1) that I should know and 2) even be concerned about knowing? I say I'm preparing my heart, but what am I preparing it for? Should I be thinking about marriage? Do I prepare my heart differently for a life of singleness that I do for a life with marriage in my future? Or does giving God my heart completely mean that I have to presently abandon all thought and desire for marriage? And then that brings me, yet again, to another point. Have I truly been listening for God's voice and obeying his will? I don't feel like God is calling me to a life of singlicity, but that thought could just come from my unwillingness to give up my desire for a husband. Maybe I've been not been listening to God's voice regarding this topic because I'm afraid of what He might say.

This all comes back to the concept of sacrificial love. Though it may not be in God's plan for me to be single the rest of my life, the point is that I haven't put this on the altar. I need to sacrifice this idea, this desire, because I love so much more the God who died for me, the God who gave his life on my behalf because of His his deep love for his people.  I need to refocus the preparation of my heart, not for marriage, but for God's Will and beautiful Plan.